If Luke Had Gone After Her
by Elseajay
Summary: Yet another take on infamous episode 6-22, with my ideas on what SHOULD have happened. Lots of internal-external dialogue, self-examination and a little angst. Hey, it's what I do. Dan and Amy, et.al, own it. I just like to play with their toys.


"I'm not waiting!" Lorelai shrieked. "It's now or never!"

"I don't like ultimatums!" Luke bellowed back at her.

"I don't like Mondays, but unfortunately they come around!"

"I can't just jump like this!"

She seemed to deflate like a balloon. "Then I'm sorry," she said, her voiced choked with tears. "And—I have to go." With that, she turned on her heel, crossed the street and walked away from him.

Luke stared at her retreating figure, breathing heavily with frustration and anger. "Dammit!" he muttered. What the hell was wrong with her, anyway? She disappears for two days and then comes bursting into his diner, yelling that they had to elope right that minute, or else. She knows better, Luke thought as he turned to go back to the diner. She knows I hate being pressured like that. Who the hell is she to dump an ultimatum like that on me?

But before he could move more than a step, a little voice in his head reminded him. She's Lorelai, he realized—his Lorelai. The woman he wanted to build a life with, and who should be free to ask him for anything. The girl he had watched and longed for from afar for so very long. The one who could change his bad day into a good one by the mere flash of her brilliant smile. The one who had been heaping miracles on his head over the past two years: First, in the doorway of her newly-opened inn, when she kissed him back; then in the warmth of the bed in the little apartment over the diner, when she first told him she loved him; and finally in the diner, when she looked up at him through lashes sparkling with tears and said simply, "Luke, will you marry me?"

Her lashes were wet tonight, too, he realized, and her beautiful face had been etched with unbearable pain—and he dimly knew that he was responsible for putting it there. She had uttered words he had dreaded to hear, telling him that it was over—that they were over. And that Luke could not accept. He remembered the time before when he had thought they were finished, after that disastrous fake wedding for her parents. Well, he wasn't going to go through that hell again.

All this flashed through his head in an instant. He turned back to her retreating figure, farther away now, and shouted, "Lorelai!"

She kept walking.

Butch Danes at the state championship track meet had never moved so fast. Luke sprinted across the green grass of the square and when he was closer, he called out again, "Lorelai, please!"

This time she stopped, her shoulders hunched and her arms hugging her body protectively.

Luke caught up with her, breathing heavily, and walked around her to face her. Her head remained down, her eyes closed, tears streaming down her face.

Luke bent closer. "Lorelai," he said softly, "please don't walk away like this. I don't know what all this is about, but I know something is very wrong. Please let me help fix it. Please talk to me." And he reached out and placed his hands gently on her hunched shoulders.

"It's too late," she said through gritted teeth.

"Why is it too late? I don't believe that!" Luke's voice was momentarily agitated, but then lowered. "There's nothing to say it's too late until you DECIDE it is! And you don't have to decide that!" He stared at her and gave a ragged laugh. "I don't get this, Lorelai. I can see you're very upset but I'm not sure what it's about or why you're insisting that it's now or never. This just isn't like you—you're always fair, and this isn't fair. Why can't we find another way to solve whatever this is other than eloping or ending it?"

"You don't want to elope with me," she replied, still staring at the ground, her voice choked with tears.

He paused for a moment. "I never said that," he reminded her. "I just needed a minute to catch up with you and figure out what the hell is going on."

Of course he did, Lorelai realized. She wanted to push the thought away, but couldn't. Of course he would need a minute. He was always careful and considerate and thought things through, to make sure his actions wouldn't harm anybody or anything. That's who Luke was.

And isn't that who I want him to be? she asked herself. If he acted as impulsively as she had demanded of him tonight, he wouldn't be _Luke_. Could she depend on him, could Rory or April or _anyone_ depend on him if there was any chance that he wouldn't _always_ be Luke? And would she even want that?

This set her thoughts spinning along a different path, and she considered the man standing before her, breathing heavily, waiting for her response. He was her guy--the best guy she had ever found. He was the one who could thrill her to her toes with that special look that he reserved just for her; who, in their most intimate moments, could use his mouth and hands to raise her to heights she'd never dreamed of; who understood and accepted everything that she was. Luke, in whose arms she felt safer than anywhere in the world.

A stubborn voice in her head intervened. But you're tired of this, it reminded her. You want this resolved. Now. TONIGHT!

But maybe there is another way to resolve it, the other voice whispered. Maybe he's right and we should try talking before I do anything else. I haven't really talked to him about this, she remembered, blushing slightly with embarrassment. That really isn't fair to him. And she also realized, wincing, that pushing him into a corner and trying to force him to meet her impulsive demands was not really the best way to start a marriage.

As she pondered, the warmth of his fingers on her shoulders seeped into her body and cracked the ice around her heart a little bit. Okay, she thought. Okay, I owe him that much.

So she raised her tear-stained face and said, "I'll talk. Let's talk."

Luke internally sighed with relief. "Okay, good—okay. Thank you."

She didn't respond.

Luke's eyes veered around wildly. "Uh—do you want to go back to the diner? To go upstairs to the apartment?"

She considered it for a moment and shook her head. "No. I want to go home."

"Okay, that's fine, we'll talk at your place," he replied. "Umm—I have to go back to the diner for a few minutes to tell Caesar to close alone tonight—but I'll only be a minute and I'll come right over to your house. Okay?"

She murmured something unintelligible but nodded.

"Okay, good." He squeezed her shoulders a little. "We'll work this out. We'll fix this."

She nodded again, her eyes still cemented to the ground.

A little fear crawled into Luke's chest at her unresponsiveness. "You'll—you'll be there when I come over?"

She sniffed and tossed her head, still avoiding his eyes. "Yeah. I'll be there. We'll talk."

"Okay."

She nodded again and headed in the direction of her house. Luke watched her silently for a moment and then turned and hurried back to the diner.

He gave his instructions to Caesar, changed into a clean shirt and fifteen minutes later started back to her house, his mind racing faster with every step. He had known she was unhappy, he had felt the chasm growing between them for weeks now, but—he simply didn't know what the cause was or what to do about it. So he had slipped into denial. He had focused his attention more and more on April and ignored the gnawing discomfort he felt whenever Lorelai looked at him—when her smile never reached her eyes and the blue orbs he loved sent sad accusations in his direction. He had ignored the growing discontent and hurt he saw in her face.

He suspected it had something to do with April and with the way he was going about getting acquainted with his daughter. At the thought, a little defensiveness arose. I'm just doing the best that I can, he thought. I'm trying as hard as I can to juggle everything. This is hard for me. I thought she understood that.

With that bit of internal fortification, he climbed up her porch stairs and knocked. After a moment, she opened the door, glanced up at him silently and stood back to let him in. She closed the door and walked ahead of him to the living room and sank into her chair, her arms wrapped protectively around her. Luke followed wordlessly and dropped onto the couch, observing her.

She had changed from her dinner dress to jeans and a hoodie; she had washed her face to clean off the mascara that had congealed on her cheeks when she was crying earlier. She looked as young and vulnerable as a child.

Luke's heart swelled briefly as he regarded her and he attempted to break the silence. "So. . .he said, and waited a moment. When she didn't look up or respond, he decided to dive right in. "So what's going on, Lorelai? What was all that about tonight, about having to elope? I know something's been wrong. Can you tell me what it is?"

She looked down at her lap and her face crumpled. "Luke, I've just been so unhappy. For so long, and I don't know what to do about it."

"I know you haven't been happy," he admitted. "I knew something was wrong, I've been feeling it. I'm sorry now that I didn't ask you about it. But—well, I guess I didn't _want _to. I don't know why. I guess I was afraid to." He looked down at the floor. "I guess I was afraid you'd say you weren't happy being with me."

"I was afraid to talk about it, too," she murmured, still staring at her lap. "And—I can't say that I _have_ been happy with you lately." She glanced up. "Have you noticed that we haven't made love in almost a month?"

Luke thought for a moment and shook his head. "I didn't realize it's been that long, but—yeah, I guess."

She dropped her head again.

Silence pressed on the room for a moment while Luke searched for what to say next. "So—Maybe you could start with tonight? Why you came to the diner like that?"

Lorelai heaved a sigh. "Well. . .I went to Friday night dinner and my mother had invited someone over. A woman, a psychotherapist. She's young and nice and seemed easy to talk to. We left at the same time and got talking in the driveway. Before I knew it, I was sitting in her car, telling her about you, about us, and everything that's been going on and how badly I've been feeling about it. And she said—this one thing sticks in my head—she said, 'You'll never get what you want if you don't ask for it. And if you ask for it and don't get it, maybe it wasn't meant to be.' And I realized that she's right.

"So all the way home from Hartford, I kept asking myself, what do I want, what's going to make this situation stop, and how can I get it? And I realized. I want us either to be married—or to be over. To either really be a part of your life or to stop waiting and hoping and trying to be." Her voice rose, slightly hysterical now. "I want this pain to stop. I just can't stand it one more minute, Luke. It's killing me. I decided that the best way to stop it would be for us to elope so we'd really be together, once and for all. Or, if you didn't want to—" she hesitated. "If you refused, that would tell me that you really don't want to be with me. And this would still be over, but in a different way."

Luke stared at her, his mind reeling. "Wow," he finally said. "I don't even know where to begin to sort all that out."

Lorelai wiped her eyes and didn't answer.

After thinking for a minute, Luke started with what had jumped out at him most strongly. "So—you're not really okay with postponing the wedding until I feel ready. I thought you were—you said you were," the last with a shade of accusation in his voice.

Lorelai winced and fiddled with the tie of her hoodie. "I was at first. I wanted to give you that time and make it easier for you. You wanted it—because of April—and—and, that was okay, I guess. But. . ." She sighed and took a deep breath. A flash of anger overtook her, and she looked straight into his eyes. "But Luke—you haven't talked at _all _about rescheduling our wedding. We haven't talked about it since Martha's Vineyard! You said then it would be okay for us to elope. But you haven't even _mentioned _it since then! And—and I'm sorry, but I'm starting to—I began to wonder if you're ever going to." She dropped her eyes again as a fresh wave of sadness and shame washed over her. "I began to wonder if you really want to marry me."

"You know I do," he interjected. "I've told you before—I want that more than anything."

"I know what you've said, Luke," she answered sadly. "But your actions aren't matching your words."

He had no ready answer for that and his mind began to race in many directions, trying to come up with a response. Before he could, Lorelai added, "And it's more than just that."

"What?" Luke asked, dreading her response.

"It's that you've. . .built another life for yourself, Luke. A whole separate life for just you and April that you've excluded me from. Only me. It doesn't seem like you've excluded anyone else," she added, her tone growing more bitter. "Everyone in town seems to know April but me. I hear stories about her from Patty, from Lane, from Babette—hell, even from Kirk!" She swung on him furiously. "From Kirk, Luke! He tells me all about the girl that's supposed to become _my _stepdaughter! Do you know how hard that is?" Her anger ebbed as quickly as it had come, and her voice dropped to a whisper. "Do you have any idea how humiliating that is?"

"Oh, Lorelai, " Luke choked out, stung by the realization of how deeply he'd hurt her.

He began to reach a hand towards her, but she shook her head and turned away slightly and her voice rose again. "And on top of that, I feel like I have to skulk around my own town, the place I live, just so I won't accidentally interfere with your secret life. I've eaten at your diner for years, and now I'm scared to go there. I'm scared I won't be welcome and that you'll get mad at me for coming." Again, her voice dropped and filled with anguish. "You've built a life apart from me, and you won't let me in. Call me crazy, but I just don't think that bodes well for a successful marriage."

Luke stared at her, horrified. "Lorelai," he whispered. "I am so, so sorry. I didn't realize I was hurting you so badly. I didn't think—I know I should have, but I didn't—and I can't—I can't find the words to tell you how sorry I am. I love you, so much. I never, ever, wanted to hurt you like this. To hurt _us_ like this." Emotion caused him to choke on his words, and he dropped his head and knotted his hands in his lap. "Oh, God, I've screwed everything up," he muttered.

Another heavy silence fell over the room, while Luke desperately tried to compose himself. After a moment, he heard Lorelai say, with a touch of snarkiness, "Look, I can enjoy a good self-pity party as well as the next person—but please don't go into your head right now. You wanted to talk, and we have more to talk about."

Luke dropped his hands and glanced up at Lorelai. Her face was inscrutable, but her tears had stopped for the moment and her eyes reflected a spark of her usual spirit. Luke's heart lifted a little at her words. If she wanted to solve this—if she wasn't just throwing him out of her house—maybe it could still be fixed.

Lorelai regarded him steadily and finally spoke. "So why, Luke? Why are you shutting me out?"

"Well," he began and hesitated for a moment, suddenly feeling a little defensive again. "Well, like I told you, it's because of April. I wanted time to get to know her, on my own. I just—it was just so special for me to be with April. I want to be _sure _we know each other pretty well before I share her with anyone. "

Lorelai sighed. "Luke, it's been six months since you met her. You've been seeing her regularly for four months. She's at your place a couple of days a week and spends hours with you. You've been on a school trip with her and met her teachers and friends. You've done lots to get to know her." Luke lifted his eyes and met Lorelai's piercing blue gaze. "How much better do you have to get to know her before you feel ready to marry me, Luke?"

His mind drifted over that question--and that little voice inside his head began whispering again, telling him she was right. Luke knew it, although the last thing in the world he wanted to do was admit it. He _had _woven a tight cocoon around him and April. And, he admitted a little shamefacedly, I don't want to share her with anyone. Even with the woman he adored and with whom he wanted to build a future.

He looked up. "You're right about my shutting you out," he said softly. "I did build a little world just for me and April. I'm just so enchanted with her that—I'm, I'm jealous of my time and space with her. I'm just selfish—I don't want to share that with anybody." He paused and considered for a moment. "I feel like I've got a crush on my own kid. Does that sound weird?" he asked.

'No," Lorelai admitted. "I know what you mean. When Rory was born, I wanted to be alone with her all the time—without my mother, without the nanny my mother hired—and I got jealous when they tried to spend time with her. It was like—like I was in love with her and I just wanted to be with her, only her. Even later, when she was older, I still wanted to have time when we were alone, just the two of us. I protected that pretty fiercely." She smiled a little. "I think you're going through what most fathers go through when their kids are born. Except your crush is thirteen years behind schedule, and on a full-blown personality who is so much more complicated than a baby."

Luke pondered this and said nothing. After a while, Lorelai cleared her throat and said, "So I think we have an idea of what one problem is. But are there others? And again, how do we solve it? How much longer do you need to be alone with her and get to know her before you let me in, Luke?"

"It's not just getting to know her," Luke hastily said, his defensiveness rising. "There are other factors, too."

"Like what?"

There were things he still didn't want to admit, he realized and to avoid them, he seized on another of the dozens of half-completed thoughts zipping through his mind. "April's just getting used to having a father. I don't know if I should—if it would be good for her to have to get used to a stepmother, too."

"Well, that might be a factor if she lived with you and you brought somebody new into her home," Lorelai responded thoughtfully. "I can understand that—that's what I always worried about with Rory. But your situation is different, Luke—she _doesn't_ live with you, even if she stays over once in a while." Lorelai watched him for a moment, measuring his reaction. When he didn't respond, she pressed on. "And she gets here late in the afternoon. Part of the time she's here, I'm still at work. If I came to the diner when she's there, I would really just be having dinner with her. " A touch of irony crept into her voice.

"Right along with Miss Patty and Babette and Morey and Kirk and everybody else she's having dinner with at the diner these days."

It was Luke's turn to sigh. "Yeah, I know all that, but. . .I just don't know."

Silence fell again for a minute. Then Lorelai said again, softly, "So what is it, Luke? What has to happen between you and April for you to let me meet her? For you to be ready to marry me?"

Once again the silence in the room had length, depth and breadth as Luke struggled for an answer. Thoughts and feelings wildly careened around his brain as he tried to avoid facing the ones that terrified him most.

After a while, Lorelai spoke again, this time in a small voice. "Sometimes I wonder if maybe you don't want me to meet April because you're ashamed of me."

Luke's head jerked up. "Lorelai, of course not! I'm not ashamed of you! How could you think that? I love you!"

"Well," she responded in the same small voice. "My parents were supposed to love me—and they were always ashamed of me."

Her words, and the anguished look on her face, cut a fresh wound in Luke's heart. He wanted to lean forward and squeeze her hand, to put his arms around her and soothe her. But she had turned away slightly and was staring at the wall. He had to satisfy himself with words. "It's not like that with me, Lorelai. Not anything like that. I'm proud of you, proud that we're together, proud that of all the men in the world—you picked _me_. I could never, ever be ashamed of you."

"Well, that's something, anyway, " she murmured to the wall, but his statement seemed to ease her tension a bit. They were quiet for another moment, and then she looked back at him. "So, what is it, Luke? I just know there's something else. You really need to explain this to me, because I'm running out of ideas."

Luke closed his eyes, fighting every impulse that was screaming at him to just clam up and say no more, because he instinctively knew that he was headed towards an internal crate of dynamite. After a moment, he just blurted it out.

"It's that—that I just don't know how to be a father. I'm scared to death of it. I'm scared that I'm going to fail—and I don't want you to see that. I'm afraid that if you see me fail, you won't want to marry me because you won't want to have children with me. And there's more," he burst out, as his head jerked up to look at her. "If I fail, I won't _want_ to bring kids into this world just to fail with them, too. I couldn't bear that. I couldn't do that to them—or to you. That's been really hard for me to face." And he bent his head down again, closer to tears now than he had been thus far.

There was a long silence, and again, Lorelai's sigh filled the room. "Luke, I think you know more about being a father than you realize, " she said, her tone gentler. "For one thing, you had a great role model—your own dad. From what you've told me about him, he was great with you and Liz. You learned all you needed to from him about being a terrific dad. That's where most people learn how to be parents—from their own parents. Present company excepted, of course," she added wryly.

Luke smiled wanly.

"Look at all you did for Jess—"

Luke laughed bitterly. "Yeah, I sure did a great job with Jess."

"You did," she insisted. "You parented him despite him kicking and screaming every step of the way. You tried to help him when his own mother had given up. I know it didn't all go the way you wanted—but Jess turned out all right. And you had a lot to do with that."

Luke grunted.

Unfazed, Lorelai continued. "And look at all you did for Rory. You made friends with her when you had no reason to, when you and I barely knew each other. You cared about her, looked out for her, talked to her, listened to her, were patient with her. You made her mashed potatoes when she was sick and chocolate chip pancakes when she was sad and coffee cakes on her birthday. Hell, you remembered her birthday more often than Christopher ever did," her voice growing a little bitter. "You were a father to Rory in all but name. And I know, for a fact, that even though she does have some kind of relationship with Chris—I know that when she thinks about what a dad should be like, she thinks of _you_, Luke." Lorelai shook her head. "You know _all about _being a good dad."

Luke was staring at the floor again. He heard her words and his spirits lifted a little. He hoped what she was saying was true—he wanted so much to believe it.

"Maybe you don't realize it, Luke, but it seems to me April likes you plenty already. Hey, she bikes five miles over here a few days a week, no matter whether it's cold or raining, just to spend some time with you. She wanted you to go on her school trip. She wanted you to throw her her birthday party. Her friends call you 'Hagrid.'" She chuckled. "I know you don't really understand the reference, but believe me, in this Harry-Potter-crazed world, that's a _tremendous_ thing for a kid to say about an adult. It really speaks well of where you and April are going."

Warmth spread through Luke as he absorbed her words, and he began to allow himself to wonder, just a little, whether she was right. His mind drifted back over the last few months and suddenly he could see it—he _was_ doing well with April. She seemed to enjoy the time they spent together and to feel comfortable and happy in his world—and with him. They were doing just fine, Luke realized—better, in fact, than he had dreamed.

Luke considered what she said, his mind churning. "Maybe you're right."

"I know I'm right," she replied. She looked at him quizzically. "So is that it, or is there anything else?" in a tone that indicated she expected something more.

Luke knew what it was, but still hesitated to speak it, as he was ashamed to see himself in that petty a light. But, he reminded himself, now was the time to speak the truth--all of it.

"I actually told you this once before. I think it's that. . .it's just that. . ." He shook his head and wryly smiled. "I think I'm afraid that she'll like you better than me." And he felt a combined wave of embarrassment and relief wash over him as the words left his lips.

A pause, and Lorelai spoke softly. "Because I'm a cartoon character, huh?"

An aborted chuckle from Luke, and he dared to glance up slightly. "Yeah. You're just so. . .so. . .bright and vivacious and outgoing and fun. Everybody likes you." He sighed. "You're a lot more fun as a parent than I could ever be. I always saw it with you and Rory. She just adored you so, and you made everything so exciting for her, you made her so happy." His voice dropped. "You're everything I'm not."

"And you're steady and reliable and sensible and solid--a rock to lean on—everything that _I'm_ not," Lorelai replied steadily. He immediately started to protest, but she pressed on. "Those are great qualities in a parent, too. And very worthy of any kid's love. Security is a lot more important for a kid than just fun and games--and kids know who and what makes them feel safe."

He knew she was trying to comfort him, and he just shook his head, doubt and a little self-pity creeping into his mind again. Lorelai seemed to sense it, because her next words were in a more challenging tone than she had used all evening.

"So suppose you did keep April and me apart, so she wouldn't like me better than you. What do you do then? How do you keep that going? Suppose she gets a new teacher that she really likes and looks up to? Are you going to take her out of school so she won't like the teacher better than you? What if she meets a new friend? Hell, what happens when she gets a _boyfriend_? Are you going to run him out of town so you won't have a rival?"

Her ironic tone was humorous despite the relentless force of her words and Luke couldn't help but chuckle, as he saw the sense in what she was saying. And that led quickly to his acknowledgement of the ridiculousness of his position. He shook his head at his own folly.

She watched him, her voice turning soft. "Luke, you're her father. Her dad. You're the only father she'll ever have, no matter who else comes into her life after you. That's a really special relationship. I know I don't always get along with my father, but—he's my _father_. He'll always be my father and no one else can take that place in my life. It's the same with you and April.

"I know you feel like you've missed a lot with April and have a lot to catch up on," Lorelai continued. "I know you have to indulge your crush. But for what it's worth, I think you have a better relationship with her now than I've ever had with my father—or ever will," she added softly.

Luke heaved one last sigh and suddenly felt lighter than he had in months. He looked up at Lorelai with a shy smile. "Thank you," he whispered.

"You're welcome."

The silence that enveloped them was calmer that time as Luke basked in a new-found sense of peace. After a little while, Lorelai said in a small voice, "Can I ask you a question?"

He closed his eyes as the timidity in her tone pulled him up short and left another bruise on his already-battered heart, and a fresh wave of remorse swept him. He looked up. "Of course you can," he said gently. "You can ask me anything you want."

"Okay," she absently replied. She stared ahead of her and fiddled with the tie on her shirt again before the question burst out. "Does April know that we're engaged?"

"Yeah," Luke nodded. "I told her just after she saw you in the diner, that first time."

"Have you ever discussed it with her?"

Luke felt his defenses slightly rise again, as he suspected where this was going. "Well—when I first mentioned it, she asked when you were coming back to the diner so she could meet you again. I told her I didn't know." He waited and she stared at him.

"And that was it? The only time?"

"No. . ." He thought back and hesitated, as the awareness grew that he might be at fault over this issue, too. "Well, come to think of it, sometimes Patty or Babette or Lane would mention you and she would look up quickly and seem to be listening to whatever they were saying. And after her birthday party she asked when she might see you again, but when I said I didn't know, she didn't talk about it any more." He glanced over at her. "I wasn't sure whether she was—well, interested in my getting married."

Lorelai gave a ragged laugh. "Luke, she's a thirteen-year-old girl. Any thirteen-year-old girl hears her parent is getting married, of COURSE she's going to be interested! A wedding, _anybody's_ wedding, is of MAJOR interest to girls that age!" She shook her head in disbelief.

"Well, I couldn't tell." Luke's tone was defensive. "Sometimes when she doesn't want to talk about something, she gets this—this—kind of closed look on her face and I know not to push whatever we're talking about."

"Luke. . ." Lorelai could barely contain her exasperation. "YOU get a closed look on your face when you don't want to talk about something! Don't you think it's possible that April was just picking up cues from you? That she got the impression YOU didn't want to talk about it, so she stopped asking questions? Because I just can't imagine a girl that age not being interested in a wedding! Especially April—you've told me how curious she is about everything, right?"

"Right," he murmured, his mind racing again.

"So don't you think it's likely that she has SOME curiosity about her new-found father's impending marriage? And how it might affect her?"

"I. . .guess. . ." Luke stared ahead, deep in thought again. He nodded. "Yeah, I think you're right. I probably just didn't give her enough of a chance to ask about it. " He looked down and shook his head. "So it looks like I screwed that up, too. Damn, what an idiot I am."

"That's what parenting is about, Luke," Lorelai said tiredly. "You look at what you're doing, figure out if it's working and, if it's not, you admit to yourself that you're an idiot and try something different." She waited. "A lot of humility comes with being a parent," she added with an ironic edge to her voice.

"Ain't that the truth." He looked over at her, a little smile playing at his lips. "I should remember that I'm a beginner and you're an expert." His voice dropped a little. "I really should be okay about asking you for help."

"I want to help," she said softly.

And I haven't let you, he thought with regret.

His racing mind ran through all that had been said and finally he nodded and looked up. "Okay. This is what we'll do. I'll talk to April. I'll ask her how she feels about our engagement and—I'll ask her how she thinks she and I are doing. Depending on what she says, maybe then—maybe I'll feel more confident about my relationship with her, and—and—we can figure out the next step. What do you think?"

Lorelai smiled. "I think that might help a lot." She thought about it for a minute and nodded. "Okay. Do you know when?"

"She's coming over tomorrow. Lane and Caesar will both be in, so I'll take her upstairs towards the end of the shift and we'll talk." He regarded her for a moment, and felt compelled to add, "I promise."

"Okay," Lorelai said again. "Thank you, Luke." She sniffed and nodded and looked up at him. He thought she looked a little more relieved—but she was far from happy.

He was hesitant to bring up the next thing on his mind, but thought maybe they should get it over with. "You said you had talked to Anna. . ."

She winced. "I'm sorry, " she told him, tears filling her eyes again. "After April's birthday party, you said Anna was mad at you. I didn't want her to be—I wanted her to know that keeping the kids for a sleepover was my idea. I just—I just really didn't want her to be upset with you." She looked up at him. "Please don't be mad."

"I'm not mad," he said softly. "I appreciate that you wanted to help. It's just that—well, no matter whose idea the sleepover was, it was my responsibility, and I accept that."

"You didn't realize," she said. "And I just didn't think."

A pause and Luke asked, "What else did Anna say?"

Lorelai looked down, crossing her arms over her chest again. "She said she was afraid of April getting too attached to someone that might not be around permanently. I told her I understood that, that I was a single mother, too, but that you and I are engaged and so she didn't have to worry. And she said. . ." Lorelai hesitated. "And she said that an engagement is not a marriage. It's not a permanent tie and could end any time, so she was still worried about April getting attached to me. " A trace of bitterness came into her voice. "Maybe Anna knows something about you and marriage that I don't."

"No, she doesn't!" Luke said loudly, a touch of anger coloring in his voice. "Anna doesn't know _anything_ about me. As far as I'm concerned, OUR engagement is permanent and we ARE going to be married. " He calmed down. "And I think I sort of knew that she felt that way, even though she didn't come right out and say so. That may also be part of why I kept April apart from you. But now I think it's crazy—you've helped me see how crazy it is, Lorelai. I'm not going to buy into that any more. April's a solid kid. She won't fall apart if a relationship ends."

She glanced up at him with a small smile and nodded. "So—you'll talk to April?" she asked.

"I'll talk to April. Tomorrow," he agreed. "And we'll get this thing settled once and for all."

"Good," she said softly.

She continued to slouch in her chair, looking drained, her arms crossed protectively around her, only glancing over at him occasionally. She didn't look much better than when he arrived, thought Luke. After a moment he cleared his throat and asked hesitantly, "So. . .did talking about this help? Do you feel better?"

She didn't answer right away and Luke's heartbeat sped up as he awaited her answer. After a minute, she glanced his way and said in a small voice, "Yeah, I think I do, a little. But I don't feel that this is completely resolved, Luke. We have to see what happens next. For all I know, you might go back to shutting me out again tomorrow."

"No!" he said. He swiftly left his place on the couch and knelt in front of her, one hand on her knee. "No, Lorelai, I'll never do that again, now that I realize what I was doing, and how much it was hurting you." His voice softened. "The very last thing in the world I want to do is hurt you. And I'm so, so sorry. Please believe me."

She nodded slowly but still didn't look him in the eye.

"From now on, we're only going forward. Not back. I guess—" Luke hesitated. "I guess I was just being crazy. And selfish about April. I guess I just wanted her all to myself."

She gave him a small grin. "And I think that's the truest thing you've said yet." A glint of mischief twinkled in her eye and she looked momentarily like her old self. "We must all learn to share, Mr. Danes."

Luke laughed. "Yeah. Maybe I'd better go back to kindergarten and do that lesson over." She smiled but said nothing.

After a pause, Luke asked hesitantly, "So—would you like me to stay tonight?"

Lorelai considered briefly, and said, "I don't think so. I'm—I'm really exhausted. I just want to sleep."

"We don't have to—to do anything if you don't want, " Luke said softly. "I can just hold you while you go to sleep."

A ghost of a smile touched her lips. "Thanks, but I just don't. . .no, I don't think so. I kinda want to be alone."

So she was still feeling cautious about him, Luke thought. Lorelai usually hated being alone, at least when an alternative was available. Well, he could understand and accept that.

He stood up, took her hands and pulled her up with him. "C'mere," he whispered and wrapped his arms around her, burying his face in her hair. At first she stood stiffly, her arms resting lightly on his hips; but after a moment she leaned into him and wrapped her arms around his back, her face pressed to his chest.

They stood this way quietly for a few minutes, swaying slightly back and forth as if to unheard music, their pain and tension gradually ebbing away. Finally Lorelai sighed and raised her head, her smile a little brighter. "Yeah, I do feel better. Thanks. Thanks for coming after me. Thanks for listening to me."

"Thank _you_," he smiled. "Thank you for not running away, for coming back and talking to me, and for giving me a chance. "

"I'm sorry about the way I bombarded you before, at the diner," she said impulsively. "I shouldn't have done that. I should have just talked to you. I've had so many imaginary conversations with you in my head about this that I kinda forgot that I hadn't actually talked directly to you. And sometimes I started to believe that you knew how I felt but you just weren't responding. It just all built and built. I'm sorry, Luke. I've just been so angry and frustrated and hurt. I reached the point where I really believed that the only way to solve all this was to either elope—or just end it. And that it had to happen tonight."

"I know you were angry and hurt," he said gently. "And I should have said something, I should have tried to talk to you about it. I so didn't mean to hurt you like this. Really."

"Okay. I didn't mean it either," Lorelai whispered.

They smiled at each other and Luke gave her another squeeze. "I'll talk to April. And we'll solve this. And we'll never go this long without talking about things again. And I love you and want to marry you more than anything, and I wanna have lobster at our wedding." This last with a tender smile.

"Okay," Lorelai said, laughing slightly. Luke kissed her on the forehead and then bent and gently touched his lips to hers. She responded briefly but then pulled back and looked up at him. "All right. Goodnight."

Her dismissal was clear. Luke released her, walked to the door and stopped and looked back at her. He hesitated. "Don't. . .don't change your mind before we talk again," he pleaded. "Don't get all—revved up again. Please?"

Lorelai remembered another time, long ago, when he had left a similar plea on her answering machine. "I won't," she assured him softly.

"Are you coming in for breakfast tomorrow?"

"I don't know. I'll see what time I wake up. I might just sleep in late. I haven't been sleeping well lately."

His face softened in sympathy. "Well, whether you do or not, I'll call you during the day."

"Okay."

He smiled and let himself out the door.

Lorelai remained where she was, glancing out the window at his retreating figure. "Well, that was an interesting evening," she murmured to herself. She stood still, her body exhausted and her mind sorting through the various emotions and thoughts she had experienced in the past few hours. She considered all Luke had said and done. She was very touched by hard he was trying. She knew that talking about his feelings held even less appeal for him than eating a large plate of broccoli did for her.

She wondered if she had done the right thing to insist on an elopement or a breakup and then to give it up so quickly when he asked her to talk. Had her impulsive instincts earlier in the evening been right, or had she just been feeling hurt and stubborn? And had she caved in too easily? After a minute, she said to herself, "Yeah, it was right to give that up. I'm glad we talked. That was what we should have done in the first place. What I should have done." She sighed. "Another reminder of the benefits of acting like an adult, Gilmore." With that she turned and trudged up the stairs, longing for the softness of her bed and the bliss of a few hours of unconsciousness, away from her tangled thoughts and feelings.

Luke made his way back to the diner, twin floods of relief and remorse coursing through his head and heart. She had given him a chance, and it seemed as if the talk had gone pretty well. The air was somewhat cleared and she was calmer. He hadn't lost her. And now the rest was up to him.

He felt as if a weight had lifted off his shoulders. His mind slid back to that moment of zen, when he realized what he was afraid of—that he was terrified of failure, and that Lorelai would despise him for it—and that his wife-to-be would steal the love of his child from him. These ideas had been tickling around the edge of his consciousness for a long time, nudging him repeatedly, nagging him every time he mentioned April and saw Lorelai's eyes avert and her face close. Every time she timidly asked when she and April would see each other and he shut her down—and took a tiny bit of mean satisfaction in it, that he had April and she didn't. He had repeatedly batted these notions away, refusing to look at them, refusing to admit that he, a grown man and a father, could be quite so childish and silly. He was simply infatuated with his daughter, and wanted to be assured that she would like him best—and at the same time, he didn't want to face his probable inability to parent her. Even when he had partially voiced one of these reasons to Lorelai before April's birthday—when he had likened her to a "cartoon character"—he didn't fully realize what he was thinking. "Way to go, Danes," he muttered in disgust. But he chuckled a little, too, marveling at the infinite capacity of human beings to kid themselves into believing that their motives are always high-minded and mature, while stubbornly ignoring what they're _really_ up to.

Lorelai dropped into a sound sleep within minutes of her head hitting the pillow and spent her first peaceful night in weeks, not awakening until the early May sunshine began creeping into her room. She opened her eyes for a moment, remembering the evening prior, and then drifted off to sleep for another couple of hours. She awoke again around nine, feeling more rested and refreshed—and more like herself—than she could remember feeling in a long time.

She lay thinking for a little while, gently picking over her feelings. The urgency she had experienced the evening before, the frantic determination that the marriage had to take place then or never—it was completely gone, she realized with a start. She had never really given Luke a chance to respond to her hurt feelings before the previous evening—she had never even really mentioned them--or to solve the problems that created those feelings, causing her to retreat more deeply into her head. The pain had simply built and built until it reached the exploding point. Which it had last evening, with a little help from two dry martinis and the wine from Emily Gilmore's table. "Thank God I didn't do anything crazy when I was in that mood," she muttered. "Thank God I didn't make any life-changing decisions." And thank God Luke had come after her, she added silently.

Although a part of her longed to run to the diner, look into Luke's eyes and make sure that their connection the evening before had not just been a dream, another part of her hesitated. She was concerned that if she bounced into the diner in her usual bright and brassy way, it would diminish the urgency of what they had talked about and Luke might retreat to his old position and reconsider his promise to talk to April. Lorelai knew she needed to keep it serious. Her heart ached briefly at the memory of the pain in his face as they had talked—but, she thought, it might be a good idea to keep him a little off-balance for a while. Although her fervor had dissipated, the reasons for her bad feelings were still there and needed to be addressed. Yeah, maybe I am still a little angry, she realized, and I'm taking it out on him by staying away. She searched her conscience to try to determine whether she was just being petty and vengeful and simply indulging in a good pout—but she didn't think it to be true. This was. . .strategic. Staying away from the diner today was the right thing to do.

So she showered and dressed and made her way to the Dragonfly, grabbing a cup of her preferred Elixir of Life immediately on her arrival. Sookie was there with a cheerful greeting, but she watched Lorelai covertly from the corner of her eye. Stars Hollow's Gossip Central had been in full swing all night with reports of the blow-up in front of the diner and Sookie checked her friend for signs of any fresh emotional wounds. She not only didn't see any, but, she realized—Lorelai actually looked a little better than she had in weeks.

Later, during the kitchen's mid-morning lull, when Lorelai had returned for more coffee, Sookie asked her casually, "So—things any better with Luke?"

Lorelai glanced at her, a frown knitting her forehead. "Why do you ask?"

Sookie sighed. "Because it's all over town about the fight you two had last night. You look okay, though, so I wondered—did you guys straighten things out between you?"

"This town," Lorelai muttered under her breath. She looked up at her friend. "Yeah, we talked and things are better. They aren't resolved yet—but they're getting there."

"Oh, that's great, honey." Sookie regarded her in silence for a moment, then added softly, "When Jackson and I have problems, and I'm ready to put his head through a wall and walk out forever—well, I just try to remember how much I really love him. And that as hard as it is, talking about things can do wonders."

"Can it really?" Lorelai queried. She crossed her arms and looked at her friend with interest.

"Oh, yeah. I remember one time a few months after we got married. We were both upset and sniping at each other about something—I don't even remember what it was now—and we'd go fifteen rounds at the top of our lungs, slink back to our corners and sulk for a while, and then start again. We both thought we were right, we both got stuck in being stubborn and we thought it could only be resolved—well, very, very loudly and with the other one giving in." Sookie was silent for a moment, staring straight ahead, caught up in the memory. "It went on for days. I actually thought we might break up, and sometimes I felt like that was the only way to end that fight." She shook her head. "Stupid."

Lorelai was amazed. "Wow. I never suspected anything was ever really wrong between you two." She pondered for a moment. "How did you resolve it?"

"Well, finally—out of sheer exhaustion, I guess—we just began to talk and sat down and worked it all out. Neither of us won the argument—and yet, we both did. We finally listened to and understood each other's position. And things were okay again." She nodded, looking back at Lorelai. "Ever since then, when we get into a bad place, one of us always remembers to start _talking_ about the problem instead of just yelling." She smiled. "There's nothing like talking it out. It's hard—it means you have to let yourself be vulnerable and admit you might be wrong—but not much else is gonna solve the big stuff."

Lorelai nodded, considering that thoughtfully. "I think Luke and I both realized exactly that last night. Not to mention how stupid and stubborn and crazy we can both get. Especially me." She stared ahead absently, then smiled at her friend. "Thanks, Sook. I kinda wish now I had talked to you sooner, " she said and started out of the kitchen on her way back to her office, Sookie's words echoing through her mind and giving her even more to ponder throughout the day.

"Order up!"

The diner had been so busy all day, Luke hadn't had much chance to dwell much on the fact that Lorelai hadn't appeared. He had watched all through breakfast, his head popping up every time he heard the bell chime at the door—but it was always somebody else. During the midmorning lull, he repeatedly found himself at the bank of windows, surveying the town, hoping to see her coming across the square for a cup of her favorite beverage and a kiss from her best fella. If I am still that, Luke thought. He was a little worried in that regard, realizing again that the next step in solving this thing between them was completely in his hands. Just be patient and do your best, he told himself, and it should all turn out all right. And with that thought in mind, he turned his attention, with an equal mixture of anticipation and dread, towards his upcoming conversation with April.

Around three-thirty he called the Dragonfly. "Hi," he said when Lorelai came on the line.

"Hi, Luke," she responded, a little formally, he thought.

"How are you doing? How did you sleep?"

"I slept a lot better, thanks. And I'm doing okay. How about you?"

"Well, I didn't sleep all that well—but that's okay, I slept enough. And I feel—kind of keyed up. Kind of excited and apprehensive and terrified, all at the same time."

She chuckled. "That sounds like a big load."

"Yeah, but no bigger than the loads we've both been toting for past few months--especially you." A pause. "I want to thank you again, Lorelai," he said softly. "A lot of what you said last night really set my head on straight. I honestly didn't realize I was being such an ass about everything."

"Um—you're welcome, I guess," she responded in a humorous tone. "And, for the record, I think I was being every bit as much of an ass."

"Some pair we are, huh?"

"Yeah." For a moment, the line was silent and then she spoke again. "Actually, Sookie helped me a lot today. I didn't tell her the whole thing," she added hastily, anticipating that Luke probably wouldn't his private business spread around like that. "But she was telling me about a time when she and Jackson were both being crazy and stubborn and not listening to each other—and they nearly broke up. It made me realize how close we came to that—and how much I don't want that to happen."

"God, me neither. How did they resolve it—Jackson and Sookie?"

"Well. . .basically, they just talked about it and listened to each other and straightened it all out. Ever since then, they've tried to talk first and yell later." She gave a short laugh. "I guess we should remember that that's always the best first step to take."

"Yes, we should."

Before Luke could say more, he glanced out the window and saw a familiar bike-helmeted head approaching the door. "Hey, April's here." 

"Oh, good, " Lorelai answered, but he could hear a bit of guardedness come back into her voice.

"I'm gonna talk to her like I said, in a couple of hours. I promise, Lorelai. It's going to be okay." He hoped she could believe him. "Can I come over and tell you about it later?"

"I'd like that," Lorelai replied, in a somewhat formal tone. "I'm just gonna crash at home and get a pizza, so come whenever."

"I will. I love you."

A slight pause. "I love you, too."

"Talk to you later."

April bounced into the diner, enthusing about a science experiment they had done in class that day. She settled herself at the counter, her homework spread in every direction, chatting with the town's denizens as they came and went throughout the afternoon. Luke watched her covertly, smiling a little with pride at her easy manner and realizing more fully that Lorelai was right—she did seem to feel comfortable with most of the visitors to the diner, and seeing one more of them regularly would probably not faze her.

Patty and Babette were seated at a table to April's right, chewing over the daily gossip as usual. Luke was largely out of earshot but at one point thought he heard Babette say, "Lorelai." He looked up quickly, just in time to see April's head pop up from her book and turn in the ladies' direction. She watched them for a few minutes, and it seemed to Luke that she even leaned forward a bit to try to catch their words, which were still indistinct to her father. After a few minutes, the conversation turned to the problems East Side Tillie was having with her bunions, and April sighed slightly and turned back to her books.

So Lorelai was right about that, too, thought Luke. She _is_ interested in our engagement.

Around seven, when the diner began to clear and the pace had slowed, Luke cleared his throat and said, "April, there's something I want to talk to you about. Could you come upstairs with me?"

"Sure, Luke," she promptly replied. "Let me get my stuff together."

"Bring your soda if you want."

Luke went up ahead to unlock the door and soon heard April clattering up the steps after him. They settled into the seating area, he on his chair and his daughter curled up on the couch.

April regarded him brightly. "So, what's up, Luke? Am I in trouble or something?"

"No, no, sweetie, nothing like that. I just wanted to talk to you about something."

"Okay, shoot."

Luke leaned forward, joining his hands and letting them drop between his legs. He cleared his throat again, and said, "So—um—so—. . ."

She waited patiently.

"So—you remember that I told you I'm engaged, right?"

"Sure. What about it?" but he heard a note of hesitation in her voice.

"Well—I was thinking and I just kind of realized that—that we've never really talked much about it."

April giggled. "We haven't talked about it at _all_."

"Yeah, well, I know we haven't. So—so I was just wondering what you think about it? How do you feel about it?"

April regarded him solemnly. "A fair question, under the circumstances," she murmured. She thought for a minute, scratching her nose while a slightly guarded look came over her face. "Well, to tell you the truth—I don't really know what to think about it."

Luke nodded and leaned back. "What do you mean?"

"Well—I haven't been around engaged people very much, so I don't have any direct experience with them; but—but I've been around, and I read and watch TV, and I'm very observant—" Luke chuckled in agreement—"and—and—" She paused a moment, seeming to consider her words carefully. "I guess it just doesn't seem to me that you act the way I'd imagine an engaged guy would act."

Luke frowned. "What do you mean? How would you expect I'd act?"

"Well—I guess I'd imagine that you'd act happier, "April reasoned. "I would think you would be excited to talk about your wedding plans and stuff. But you never do, and you act like you don't _want_ to. You've never told me the date—I don't even know if you _have_ a date. I don't know where you plan to have the wedding or where the reception will be or whether I'm going to be involved with it or not. I'd really like to know _that_."

"Most of all," April continued, a little more hesitantly, "I wonder why you never talk about Lorelai, and why she's never around."

Luke groaned inwardly.

Warming to her subject, April continued, her speech a little faster. "Lane and some of the others tell me that Lorelai used to be around the diner all the time—that she used to come in two or three times a day, and often spent the evening here with you. But that hasn't happened since I started coming here. I thought at first maybe that she didn't like me for some reason, or was jealous that I was taking up so much of your time, but then she was so nice at my birthday party that it didn't make sense. And I haven't been able to figure it out." She paused and looked right at him. "So why doesn't she come in, Luke? Is there some other reason she doesn't want to be around me?" Her eyes widened a bit as she regarded him. "Or is it maybe that _you _don't want us around each other? " April paused again, frowned and spoke in a small voice. "Is there some reason you're ashamed of me?"

That was too much for Luke. "No! April, no, no, nothing like that. I'm—I'm so proud of you I could burst. I'm proud to have you as my daughter. I'm so glad you are."

Dammit, he thought. How did I get BOTH of them thinking I'm ashamed of them?

April gustily blew out the breath she had been holding. "Well, I'm glad to hear that. So I just don't know—I don't understand this at all. You're gonna have to explain it to me," unwittingly repeating the same words Lorelai had said to him the night before.

I keep having to explain myself to everybody, Luke thought. He sighed. "Okay—okay, yeah, I do." He thought for a minute and a wry smile lifted his lips. "I'm a little hesitant to, because—well, I guess it's my fault you and Lorelai haven't gotten to know one another."

April crossed her arms and stared at him, looking like a stern schoolteacher despite the twinkle in her eye. "Have you been doing something dopey there, Mr. Danes?"

He laughed and looked at her affectionately. "Yeah, Miss Nardini, I guess I have."

The exchange lightened the mood and suddenly Luke found it easier to talk. "You see, April—I've never been around kids much. I mean, there have always been kids around here but I never paid much attention to them except to serve them food, and then I didn't usually like them much. The only ones I knew pretty well were Rory and Lane and—well, you've met Rory. She was an easy kid to like. And Lane was, too. But aside from them, I've never known much about kids. People used to tease me about being an old hermit hiding in my den, never letting anybody in, never getting involved with people. It wasn't until I fell in love with Lorelai and saw her with Rory that I began to really think about having a family and kids of my own. And then—well, I loved the idea."

April nodded, listening intently. Luke continued. "So when you suddenly came along last November—I was—well, it was about the biggest shock I ever had. Not a bad one, mind you—I'm so happy about it now—but then I—I just didn't know what to do. My head was absolutely spinning for a long time, which is why it took a while for me to get in touch with you and your mom and ask to see you again. I—" Luke hesitated. "I felt kind of guilty that I hadn't been around for you until then."

"But you didn't know about me."

"I know. I know it's irrational, but—there it is. And then, when you agreed that you wanted to get to know me. . .well, then I really didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to be anybody's father. I didn't know what to talk to you about or if I needed to make rules for you or anything. I just didn't know how to act around you and I was afraid I'd turn you off. I was just afraid I'd screw the whole thing up. The only thing I was sure of was that I wanted us to take as much time as we needed to get to know each other and see where things went. And that's where Lorelai comes in.

"You see, April, Lorelei's a—a really strong personality. She sort of fills up a room when she comes in and gets everybody's attention. I'm just the opposite. I was afraid that if she was around when you and I were getting acquainted, I would sort of—I don't know—fade into the background, and you wouldn't really get to know me."

April nodded again, her face thoughtful. "Well, as someone who also fades into the background on occasion—I can understand your point. I kind of do better one-on-one, too."

Emboldened by her agreement, Luke took the last step. "And, there's something a little more. Maybe it was silly, but. . ." he glanced up at her and shook his head. "I was afraid that you would like her better than me. Kind of stupid, I realize now."

April regarded him fondly. "Jeez, Luke. You don't have to be jealous of _anybody_. You're my father. The only one I have. There'll never be anyone like you in my life." And then April smiled and said softly, "I really do like you—Dad. As a matter of fact—I guess I kind of love you, in a way I've never loved anybody else. After all—you're my _dad_."

Luke heard what she had called him, the first time she had addressed him so. His heart stopped for a second and then he quickly began to wonder if it would burst with the joy and gratitude that filled it. Said heart shone in Luke's eyes as he and April grinned at each other. "So. . .so, you think things are going well between us?"

"Sure, I do," said April. But then her smile faded. She stared for a moment at the floor with a pensive look on her face, chewing her lip, glancing up at him shyly, and began what was, for April, quite a speech, Luke recognized.

"When I was a little kid, I always wondered what having a dad would be like and who he was. I'd look at men when Mom and I walked down the street, or went to the mall or something, and I'd look at the men and wonder if one of them was my father. I wondered if he'd just appear some day and pick me up and give me a big hug and maybe do that "flying" thing with me that dads do with their kids when they're little.

"I tried sometimes to get Mom to talk about it, but she always changed the subject pretty quickly. I learned after a while not to ask about it any more. She used to tell me that I couldn't miss something I had never had, and after a while, I sort of believed her.

"I guess I was trying to get in touch with something in myself when I thought up my science project. I told myself and Mom that it was just science, that finding my father was just for intellectual purposes and that I didn't feel anything about it. That's the only reason Mom went along with it. She was really nervous about it, though. I didn't really feel anything about it at first. It was just sort of exciting to go around to these different guys and try to grab a piece of their hair." April giggled. "You should have seen the looks they gave me—well, you should have seen the look on YOUR face!"

Luke chuckled with the memory, and April continued.

"But I'll tell you something, Dad—I know exactly when I began to feel differently. It was when I looked up at the science fair and saw you staring at me and my exhibit and the look in your eyes when you realized I was your daughter. It just kind of—thrilled me, I guess. And I began to have those old dreams again, of knowing my father.

"I know I was a little distant when we first started getting together—I was trying to play it cool, I guess. But I was really glad when Mom told me you had come by and talked to her, and I was really glad when you called me. I had kind of been hoping, at the back of my mind, that you would. I almost came back to Stars Hollow a couple of times, just to hang around and see if I saw you and if you would recognize me. But we had too much snow and I couldn't bike over, and I didn't want to bring it up again with my mom."

She paused and looked over at Luke. "But I really am glad you got in touch with me. And I think it's going very, very well between us."

They sat and grinned at each other for a long minute, their eyes locked in an affectionate exchange. Luke was speechless. If he had been able to choose her reaction, he couldn't have picked one any different than the one she gave him. Finally April said, "So is that what you wanted to know? Does that make everything better?"

"It sure helps," Luke replied. "Thank you, April. That sure helps a lot."

April smiled and then her brow creased. "You and Lorelai haven't been fighting about this, have you? Fighting about me?"

"Well—" Luke's face reddened with embarrassment—"yeah, we have, sort of."

"Daaaaadd," his daughter groaned. "How silly! Why didn't you just talk to me sooner?"

Luke laughed. "Well, you know us grownups, April. We get these dumb, stubborn ideas in our heads and mess everything up because we can't let them go."

"Like I said—just plain silly."

Luke nodded, his face creased in a smile, but then he sobered. "Oh, wait, there's one other thing—one other reason you and Lorelai haven't spent time together."

"Shoot."

Luke knew he had to proceed carefully. "Your mom said once she was worried that you'd get attached to Lorelai—and I guess, to me, too—and then something would happen and we wouldn't get married or we'd drop out of your life somehow—and you'd be hurt."

"Oh, Moooommm!" April snorted with exasperation. "She always does this. She always thinks just because something bothers her, it's gonna bother me."

"She's just looking out for what's best for you, sweetie. I understand that, and so does Lorelai. She felt the same way when she was raising Rory."

April shook her head. "No, it's something else." She thought for a minute and said, "Don't ever tell Mom I told you this, okay? Promise?"

"April, I don't think your mother would want you to tell me her business—"

"No, this is my business, too, and it's important to tell you this right now. You see, a few years ago, Mom got involved with a guy. She kept him away from me for a long time, until she thought it was serious enough to introduce us. He was a good guy—I liked him and we hit it off, but only in a casual way. Then they broke up and Mom was really devastated. But she couldn't admit it to herself—she does that sometimes, she can't admit what she's feeling to herself—and she started saying that I was the one who was so upset about this guy leaving." She wrinkled her nose. "I think there's a psychological term for that—I don't remember it right now." She reflected for another moment, shrugged and turned back to the conversation. "Anyway, it didn't bother me that much—yeah, we got along and I was glad my mom was happy—but I wasn't heartbroken or anything when he left. Hey, people have left me before—teachers and friends and people like that—and I get over those kinds of things." She smiled. "I'm tougher than she thinks I am."

And for a second Luke could see the strong, confident woman that she would become shining through the girl before him.

She regarded him with a slightly puckish expression. "So, tell me, Mr. Danes. _Are_ you going to bail on me? Or are you in it for a long haul?"

"I'm in it forever, if you want me to be," Luke answered promptly. "Don't worry about that."

"And are you in it for the long haul with Lorelai, too?"

Luke smiled at the recollection. "On our very first real date, I told her I was "all in." I still am, and as far as I'm concerned, she's it for me. She's the only woman I want." He hesitated. "I'm not exactly sure if she feels the same way right now."

"Well—maybe knowing that we had this conversation will help."

"I hope so."

"Good. So, Dad, don't worry about me. And please, _please_ don't keep Lorelai away on my account. There's just no reason to. Engaged people _should_ hang out together, as much as they want. You and I can still get one-on-one time. And I'd really like to get to know her better."

His heart swelled. He stood up, leaned over her and dropped a kiss on the top of her head. "I love you, sweetie."

She stood and wrapped her arms around his chest. "I love you, too, Dad."

They stood for a moment, enjoying their hug, as Luke realized that he had at last gotten the mysterious "something" he had needed from April to be able to move forward with the rest of his life. He basked in that knowledge for a moment, and then straightened and briskly tapped her on the shoulder. "Come on! Get your things together."

"You're not taking me home so soon, are you? It's early yet!" April protested.

"Nope. We're going somewhere."

April grinned. "And where might that be, oh father of mine?"

Luke matched her grin. "We're going to see a friend."

Lorelai had been puttering around the house, too restless to settle down to anything. Her mind kept straying to the little apartment above the diner, wondering what was going on there. She couldn't help but feel that, in some way, the direction of her whole future life was resting on the outcome of that conversation. For she had finally admitted to herself that, despite the pain of the last few months, and the desperation of the previous evening, she still loved Luke passionately and wanted a life with him. She wanted that more than anything.

She ordered her pizza but only ate a slice, leaving the rest on the coffee table. She flipped through the television channels but nothing caught her fancy. Her mind wandered over her vast collection of videos, but she couldn't come up with even one that would distract her at that point. Eventually she just started wandering through the house, picking up things that needed to be put away and even grabbing a sponge and scrubbing at the blobs of toothpaste in the bathroom sink. That's how bad this is, she thought resentfully. I'm reduced to CLEANING!

Thus it was that she was in the bathroom with the water running and didn't hear Luke's truck drive up.

She heard the knock on the door, though, and flew downstairs to open it, finding Luke standing there with a to-go cup of coffee in his hand and no expression on his face.

"How did it go?" Lorelai asked breathlessly. "Did you talk to her? Did you work things out? Is she okay with spending time with me?"

Luke didn't answer immediately and Lorelai instantly freaked. "Oh, my God, she isn't! She doesn't want me in her life! She doesn't want us to get married! Oh, my _God_. . ."

But just as she had a good rant going, a brown head popped around the door behind which its owner had been hiding. "Hi, Lorelai!" April said brightly. "I hear we're going to be related!"

Lorelai stared at her in disbelief, and her eyes strayed to her fiance, who was suddenly sporting a grin on his face. "You. . ." she sputtered. When his grin grew wider, she tossed a saucy look at him, and turned to April. "Well—I sure hope so."

"I hope so too—and I'm really, really glad," April told her.

Finally Lorelai's full smile broke through. "So am I, honey."

And with twin shrieks they tumbled into each other's arms.

Luke's smile was so wide that he briefly wondered if his face might crack. He listened to April's chatter. "Dad told me everything, how Mom didn't want us to meet—which is just _silly_--and how scared he was and that dumb business about him being worried that I wouldn't like him! Isn't that just _unbelievable_? I waited for a dad my whole life, and I'm not going to like a great guy like him?"

Lorelai's shining eyes sought her fiance's face. "Pretty silly, I agree. But you know—the fact that he's clueless sometimes is one of the reasons I love him." The last directed more to Luke than to the girl in her arms.

April giggled. "I know. Me, too." And she turned to look at her father as well.

Luke's eyes began to tear a little, regarding the two beaming faces before him. And then two arms simultaneously reached out to him to pull him into their hug. He stepped forward happily and gratefully, threw his arms around his two best girls and buried his face in Lorelai's dark curls.

And they all knew that everything would be all right.

Two hours later, Luke mulled over the events of the evening as he returned to Stars Hollow after dropping April at home. He chuckled as he recalled the excited chatter between his fiance and his daughter as they talked about possible ideas for the wedding. April shrieked with delight when Lorelai asked her to be a bridesmaid. And later, when they clattered up the stairs to take a look at the blush-colored wedding gown hanging in Lorelai's bedroom, Luke could hear his daughter's excited exclamations from downstairs.

They hugged again upon April's leaving, with promises to talk again the next time April was at the diner. And she bounced up and down with excitement on the truck's seat, talking a mile a minute, as he drove her home.

They also settled on a secret between them. When they got to April's house, he took Anna aside for a moment and explained firmly that he and Lorelai were going ahead with their wedding plans, would be married very soon, and he thought it was time for his daughter to start to get acquainted with her future stepmother. He could see that Anna was uncertain and a little angry, but his determination must have been clearly evident, and when April chimed in with her approval of the plan, Anna finally nodded and reluctantly agreed. She didn't suspect that the meeting had already taken place and the relationship begun, for that was the secret forged between father and daughter.

They also discussed April and Anna's plans for the coming summer and got some scheduling straight. On his way back to Lorelai's house, Luke pulled out his little appointment book from his pocket and began to check dates based on his talk with Anna. He put in a call to Rory--he really did like having a cell phone, he realized--and made a firm decision.

Arriving at Lorelai's, he walked in without knocking. "Lorelai?" he called.

"Here!" she called happily from the living room. When he entered the room, her saw her on the couch nibbling away at the warmed-up pizza. "Hi! How did it go with Anna?"

"Fine," he told her. "She understood."

Lorelai's smile lit her face. "That's great, Luke. That's really great. I guess that's the last question answered, huh?"

'Not quite," he answered.

Her smile dimmed a bit at the seriousness of his tone, and he looked down at her. 

"August fifth," he told her.

"Huh?"

"Saturday, August fifth."

"Okay, I'll bite," Lorelai said uncertainly. "What about August fifth?"

To her surprise, Luke sank to his knee in front of her and took her hand. "Lorelai Victoria Gilmore, will you marry me on August fifth?"

She stared at him in shock and he eagerly continued. "I talked to Anna and that weekend is good for her and April, so April can be around. I called Rory and she thinks she can get a few days off from her job by then, so she can help get things ready. I already know that Sookie and Jackson are taking their vacation in July, so they'll probably be available. Can you get a wedding together by then?"

"I—I guess," she said uncertainly. "But I don't know if we can get the church or the place for the reception we had before, or. . ."

"I don't care if you can't," he interrupted. "If we can't get anywhere else, we'll get married at the Dragonfly. I suspect I can get that place," he said mischievously, his eyes twinkling. "I happen to have an "in" with the owner."

Lorelai smiled. "I guess we could."

"Or we can get married in the town square. How about a wedding in the gazebo? Or the church in town, or your front lawn, or anywhere you want. Hell, we can get married in the diner if you want."

"My mother would love that," she murmured. "She made a crack one time about exactly that happening."

They smiled, and then Luke got serious again. "Or we can do it anytime and anyplace that you want. We can even elope if you prefer. Just as long as it's soon--as soon as you can arrange everything. I just think we've waited long enough, Lorelai. We waited through your estrangement with Rory and the problems with Anna and April and—I just want to marry you as soon as I can. I want our life together to start—with each other and with our daughters. I'm ready—I am SO ready. So—" he regarded her for another moment. "You haven't answered me. Lorelai Gilmore— Crazy Lady—" His voice softened. "Girl of my Dreams--will you marry me on August fifth?"

Lorelai raised shining eyes to his as happy tears sprang to them. "Yes, Luke Danes—Burger Boy—Love of my Life--I will marry you on August fifth. Or any other date you want and any place you want. Including the diner." She grinned the mischievous grin that Luke so loved. "And I don't care if I do have to use a ketchup bottle for a bouquet."

And they fell into each other's arms, laughing, their hearts brimming with joy and love and relief—and with a wedding to plan.

THE END


End file.
